We are still waiting on the neurologist to contact us about Joel. STILL!! I contact them daily now and all I hear is out of the office, I'm emailing the doctor right now, and they are reviewing the chart. Really? I had one friend who really put it in perspective though and said at least he isn't a first priority. If he was, it would be a bad situation. We are truly just looking for answers. How true and I pray so much for the first priority patients in the office and their moms and dads. But, they still need to call right!!
I took my final test for my provisional license in real estate last week!! I passed!!! What a huge blessing. I struggle with dyslexia and it really got to me during the test. It doesn't bother me in my everyday anymore so much now that I have learned to work with it but when I get stressed or nervous it haunts me. Once I finally gave the test to God everything became clear and I realized I knew what they were asking!! I had no clue before and was literally crying and mad at myself!! God is so good. What a peace that comes with having Him in my life!!
I am now looking at jobs! The whole thing is scary and exciting to me. I haven't ever really been a "career" woman. I haven't worked in years. My job is my kids and my family is my life! I chose real estate because of the flexibility but I am on call 24/7 also. I have two more companies to interview with and then we will just pray all weekend!! I am so excited for this journey to begin. I am so thankful that God has opened doors and shut them so far as far as what has been best for our family. We love the lady who loves on our little Joel each day I have school or an interview and when I will be working. I love that Carpender loves his extra time with Gracie and Gracie is having a blast with Carpender for now! We will see how long that lasts. I am thankful that Randy's job gives him the time home to be with all the kids most of the time so I don't have to depend on Gracie too much. God is truly blessing our family and I am so very thankful for that!! As soon as I know where I will be I can't wait to share!
So as this week progressed, Joel, my five month old kept shaking his head no to me. It started happening more and more so. Then it seemed something was "off" with the behavior. I sent a video to some friends who some thought I should get him to the doctor quick and some though ehh, normal. I was sitting on the fence. Seeing how the weekend would go. Then Thursday night after he was asleep he shook his head back and forth I knew something wasn't right. Friday morning I called our awesome doctor and made the first available. Took him in and showed the video. I thought my son was being cute at first but he is having little seizures. Please mommies, if your babies are doing anything questionable ask questions!!! So thankful I went with my mommy instinct!!!!
I will never be the mom who has her cute little monogrammed picnic folding chair out at the front of the car line eating her lunch reading a book or chatting with the other early birds moms and grandmoms. I truly love the early bird club they have going on there even if it is nuts and they seem to have no life what so ever. It is their life. It is what these ladies do. They are the first in line. They visit, they chat, they catch up on reading, they eat, and they just enjoy the quiet moments while a younger sibling may be sleeping or quietly entertaining themselves in the backseat. As moms we all try to read, chat with friends, visit with other adults, enjoy quiet moments. We just don't all do it in the front of a car line. I certainly will never be organized enough to get to the front of the car line to have "me" time since Hanni has been in public school for only a week in a half now and I think I have been almost the last parent picking up twice now!! Fortunately, she gets me. Kudos to those front liners though and enjoy your "me" time! I'll just squeeze it in during my escape to the grocery store or visiting my neighbor a couple evenings a week. Whatever you do moms, get some "me" time for you and your kids!!
Several pages in our family book have turned in this past year. We have welcomed sweet Joel to the world. My mom has passed on. Maryjo is no longer living with us. I am going back to work. Hanni started back to public school. Things are changing fast. Amazingly they are changing for the good finally though!! Praise God for his constant hand over our lives even when things look rough!!
We had not made a big announcement, although I had told many friends, that I am pregnant. Well, last Thursday morning changed everything! I went into Maternal Fetal Medicine to have a regular ultrasound and get started on progesterone shots. Our baby has some markers that maybe something could be not right but I am believing that all is well and will be fine. The ultrasound tech looked at my cervix and said, "it's fully open". I knew we had options from when we lost Gilbert. I talked to the doctor and we adecided on an emergency cerclage. That is a stitch to basically sew the cervix up. I had my appt just in time!! Now I am on Very Strict Bedrest!! It has not been easy but I am almost a week in and doing good I hope! I have an appt tomorrow afternoon to check on things. I went in on Monday because I had so many questions and the nurse said to go to L&D. Everything looked good then so I am praying it still will. I have been so blessed with friends who have stopped by and set up a meal plan for us and just taken the time to text and call to check on me! It has been a blessing. I can do five months of this!! I really can!! It is so worth it!!
I'm just going to say it, last year Thanksgiving was rough!! I mean very rough!! It was the worst Thanksgiving I can ever remember and we have had some bad ones. Through all of our bad Thanksgivings though they have all turned out great. Last year was no exception! To begin last year was our first year without daddy. That was the core of all the issues surrounding our bad Thanksgiving. Nobody really was feeling it, except the kids. They were totally giddy waiting on their turkey dinner and the official kick off to the Christmas season. You could tell there was even a fog over them though. I don't know if they were feeling the depression us adults were holding or if they truly sensed it was just a hard time to be celebrating. Let me explain more. We lost daddy in July but Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday. He always made the turkey, stuffing and gravy. Those were his babies. From a young age I remember breaking dried bread with him, and a little older mixing the stuffing. Then I remember helping to stuff the bird and getting it ready for it's time in the oven. I remember my daddy and I playing in the kitchen while mom just wanted to bird in the oven. I remember daddy wanting to eat in front of the television because he had to watch the game while mom wanted a nice family dinner. I remember mom going to great lengths (sometimes just for the three of us) to set the table, have dinner at a decent time, and enjoy each others company just this one day each year. Daddy, he just wanted to eat turkey and watch a game! I have to side with mom on this one though!!
Mom and I never really took the time to mourn daddy's death properly together during the months of July to November of last year so by Thanksgiving we were both done! We had finally just had enough. Neither of us were feeling it at this point and I was covering my feelings by going all out (as always) and mom was just wanting to sit in her room and not participate at all. I was upset and she was upset that I was doing so much on "daddy's holiday". I finally took the 20 pound frozen turkey and just threw it over the back fence! I didn't want to celebrate at all! I was just done!! Well, that is when the family swoops in and saves Thanksgiving! I ended up leaving and crying. I needed space (yes, I was ok to drive). My family saved the turkey, knowing I wasn't really done but just needed to mourn. My mom was crying with the family surrounding her letting her mourn my daddy properly, finally. I came back within about five minutes (I can never stay away, I love my family that much). I ran straight to my mom where we embraced and just cried. We cried over my daddy, we cried over turkey and we cried over the fact that we will never eat Thanksgiving dinner by 4 o'clock because we are just not that family! But mostly we cried over my daddy. We cried and talked for a long time and had our mourning period finally.
I think she had been ready to mourn for a while but I had personally been on auto pilot since my daddy had passed away. I never gave my mom that. In the end we were able to have a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner, thanks to my wonderful husband and kids. I made the turkey just like my daddy would have!! He would have been proud of our family last year!! We ALL came together and made the best of a really bad situation!! I am proud of our family! I am not proud of my actions but I know I didn't let God help me up until that point get through my daddy's passing. I learned alot from that situation. I kept praying for my mom and for God to help her but never once did I turn to Him myself. I still don't know why I didn't. I think I just let my flesh get in the way and thought I had it all under control. I didn't at all! Now, ANYtime I encounter something I really try to let God take over and fight that flesh that is always getting in the way. I have definitely changed alot in the past year in my walk with The Lord and I will continue to pray His help in my life on my daily struggles!
As far as this Thanksgiving, we will be celebrating on Friday with Randy's brother and his friend!! I am so excited! We may even have another couple over which I am thrilled about! I absolutely love this lady and she lives so close but we never see each other. I really hope they can make it! I am totally stoked about Randy's brother coming for a couple days though because it has been too long since we have seen him. He is in Atlanta now so hopefully we will see him more. He hasn't seen Gracie since she was 7!! Wow!! We are in the process of getting our Christmas decorations up (well, Maryjo is) and I am getting the menu ready! I can't wait! No more throwing turkeys! I don't think Maryjo will ever let me live that one down!!
Life has been busy! What's new?! Hanni turned 9 earlier this month!! I can't believe my baby girl is 9 years old!!! We just had a small family celebration with presents and cake before Randy had to work that night.
It was so bittersweet since next year my baby will be double digits!!
Randy had a surprise weekend off! His schedule got changed this week and he told me Tuesday he'd be off for the weekend which worked out perfectly since we had tickets to Passion:LTFB Tour stopping at our church Saturday evening!!! What an amazing evening with the family and being able to worship God! Kristian Stanfill was awesome and to see so many young people come together to worship was just so awesome!! We also got to sit with some pretty great friends of the girls!! I just love my girls friends as much as they do!! I am so thankful that God has placed each and everyone of the people in my kids lives that He has! It is so neat to see the relationships grow and even look back and remember having those same people in my lives just different faces and how blessed I also was as a kid!
Randy, Carpender and I
Randy, Eli, Carpender and I
Sweet Jessica and Hanni bug
You wouldn't know it by the picture but Hanni was miserable at the concert! She was sick but we didn't know it until after. She was just not herself the whole night so I took her temp when I got home and it was a low fever. Poor baby!! She bounced back quickly by the next afternoon but I felt horrible for her!!
This is Gracie and me after the concert. It was late and we were tired. We were driving all over town looking for Maryjo because we were going to pick her up! Umm, can we say it was loud in there and miscommunications all over the board!! Oh and I should have pick up my phone and called her after the concert!! Oh well, Gracie and I had fun and Maryjo got home, finally!! Ha!!
The next morning we had to be at the church bright and EARLY!! It was rough!! Gracie had a performance for Elevate Student Choir!! I have to say these kids are awesome!!!
Sunday afternoon we carved pumpkins!
How fun!! Our oven went out Saturday and I usually make snacks while the family carves each year. This year I had to make fried dough instead of pretzel balls! So good though!! So unhealthy but So Good!! Fortunately, our oven was fixed yesterday, thanks to my amazing husband!!!
So yes, it has been busy but fun!! I am loving the fall weather but now I am wondering where it went!! We got hit with cooler weather last week and now it is warm again!! Come on cold weather!!