November 22, 2013

Thanksgiving last year vs. what Thanksgiving this year will be

I'm just going to say it, last year Thanksgiving was rough!! I mean very rough!! It was the worst Thanksgiving I can ever remember and we have had some bad ones. Through all of our bad Thanksgivings though they have all turned out great. Last year was no exception! To begin last year was our first year without daddy. That was the core of all the issues surrounding our bad Thanksgiving. Nobody really was feeling it, except the kids. They were totally giddy waiting on their turkey dinner and the official kick off to the Christmas season. You could tell there was even a fog over them though. I don't know if they were feeling the depression us adults were holding or if they truly sensed it was just a hard time to be celebrating. Let me explain more. We lost daddy in July but Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday. He always made the turkey, stuffing and gravy. Those were his babies. From a young age I remember breaking dried bread with him, and a little older mixing the stuffing. Then I remember helping to stuff the bird and getting it ready for it's time in the oven. I remember my daddy and I playing in the kitchen while mom just wanted to bird in the oven. I remember daddy wanting to eat in front of the television because he had to watch the game while mom wanted a nice family dinner. I remember mom going to great lengths (sometimes just for the three of us) to set the table, have dinner at a decent time, and enjoy each others company just this one day each year. Daddy, he just wanted to eat turkey and watch a game! I have to side with mom on this one though!! Mom and I never really took the time to mourn daddy's death properly together during the months of July to November of last year so by Thanksgiving we were both done! We had finally just had enough. Neither of us were feeling it at this point and I was covering my feelings by going all out (as always) and mom was just wanting to sit in her room and not participate at all. I was upset and she was upset that I was doing so much on "daddy's holiday". I finally took the 20 pound frozen turkey and just threw it over the back fence! I didn't want to celebrate at all! I was just done!! Well, that is when the family swoops in and saves Thanksgiving! I ended up leaving and crying. I needed space (yes, I was ok to drive). My family saved the turkey, knowing I wasn't really done but just needed to mourn. My mom was crying with the family surrounding her letting her mourn my daddy properly, finally. I came back within about five minutes (I can never stay away, I love my family that much). I ran straight to my mom where we embraced and just cried. We cried over my daddy, we cried over turkey and we cried over the fact that we will never eat Thanksgiving dinner by 4 o'clock because we are just not that family! But mostly we cried over my daddy. We cried and talked for a long time and had our mourning period finally. I think she had been ready to mourn for a while but I had personally been on auto pilot since my daddy had passed away. I never gave my mom that. In the end we were able to have a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner, thanks to my wonderful husband and kids. I made the turkey just like my daddy would have!! He would have been proud of our family last year!! We ALL came together and made the best of a really bad situation!! I am proud of our family! I am not proud of my actions but I know I didn't let God help me up until that point get through my daddy's passing. I learned alot from that situation. I kept praying for my mom and for God to help her but never once did I turn to Him myself. I still don't know why I didn't. I think I just let my flesh get in the way and thought I had it all under control. I didn't at all! Now, ANYtime I encounter something I really try to let God take over and fight that flesh that is always getting in the way. I have definitely changed alot in the past year in my walk with The Lord and I will continue to pray His help in my life on my daily struggles! As far as this Thanksgiving, we will be celebrating on Friday with Randy's brother and his friend!! I am so excited! We may even have another couple over which I am thrilled about! I absolutely love this lady and she lives so close but we never see each other. I really hope they can make it! I am totally stoked about Randy's brother coming for a couple days though because it has been too long since we have seen him. He is in Atlanta now so hopefully we will see him more. He hasn't seen Gracie since she was 7!! Wow!! We are in the process of getting our Christmas decorations up (well, Maryjo is) and I am getting the menu ready! I can't wait! No more throwing turkeys! I don't think Maryjo will ever let me live that one down!!